What are Dating icks? 9 People Share Their Top Icks

When you’re dating someone, sometimes they do something that makes you not like them anymore. This feeling is called “the ick.”

Let me tell you about a date I had recently. I went to a sushi restaurant with someone I met online. First, he arrived 15 minutes late and didn’t even tell me, so I thought he wasn’t coming at all. Then, when we sat down, he decided to order my food without asking me what I wanted. Both of these things made me feel really uncomfortable and gave me “the ick.”

But what exactly is “the ick”? A relationship expert named Racheal Turner says that “the ick” is when someone you like does something that makes you feel really grossed out. Different people have different things that give them “the ick.” For example, some people get the dating icks when someone is rude to a waiter or when they talk with food in their mouth.

To understand more about what gives people the ick, I talked to nine different people about what turns them off when they’re dating. Relationship experts also shared why we felt this way and gave some helpful tips on how to be nicer when dating.

Top 9 Dating Icks to Look For

1. When They Love Bomb You

One of the worst feelings is when someone you just started dating suddenly stops talking to you after being super nice and affectionate. It feels even worse when they make you feel like everything is real, but then it all disappears, leaving you confused.

For example, Maddie met a guy while traveling in Bristol. He seemed really interested in her, posting lots of pictures of them together and calling her every day. He even bought tickets to visit her in Paris. But just two days before he was supposed to arrive, he called and said, “We’re not a good match,” and canceled the trip.

This is called “love bombing“. It’s when someone gives you way too much attention and affection to trick you. It’s like they’re playing a game with your feelings without telling you the rules. This kind of behavior can hurt a lot because it feels like you are just part of someone’s game.

To avoid such emotional pitfalls, it’s essential to be aware of yellow flags in a relationship, subtle warning signs that something might not be quite right.

2. When They Say They’re Looking for Someone Fit

Some people say they only want to date someone who is really fit and in shape. This can make others feel bad, like they have to be perfect to be liked. It’s not nice to make someone feel this way.

A person named SABS said it feels wrong when someone says they’re looking for a specific type of person. It can make others feel insecure and ashamed, especially if the person showed interest at first and then changed their mind. A relationship expert says it’s okay to want a partner who likes to be active, but it’s not okay to comment directly on someone’s body. That’s a big red flag. In fact, there are several red flags in relationships which should never be ignored.

3. When They Leave You Breadcrumbs

Bread crumbing is when someone sends flirty messages or calls you a lot, but they never actually ask you out on a real date. It’s like they’re keeping you interested without ever wanting to start a real relationship.

For example, Ayanna talked to someone who would call her every night and say nice things, like how he would “learn to love her with all her flaws.” But then, all of a sudden, he stopped reaching out. This made her feel like there was something real between them, but it wasn’t true.

Bread crumbing can make people feel lonely and unhappy because it tricks them into thinking there’s something real when there isn’t.

4. Someone Who Complains Too Much on the First Date

Imagine you are going on a first date with someone you’ve been talking to online. You had good conversations and are excited to meet them in person. But when you sit down, they start complaining about their bad day at work. They talk a lot about how much they don’t like their job, and it makes the date feel sad and negative.

Spencer went on a date with someone who disagreed with everything he said. She kept arguing and talking about how nothing important really matters. By the end of the date, Spencer felt very tired and just wanted to go home. He likes to stay positive, so being around someone so negative made him feel worn out.

When you go on a first date, it’s important to make a good first impression. If someone complains a lot on the first date, it can be hard to see anything good about them. It might make you not want to see them again because they seem too focused on the bad things in life.

5. When Someone Talks Too Much and Doesn’t Listen

Have you ever been on a date where the other person talks only about themselves and never asks you anything? It can feel like they don’t care about you at all. You might leave the date feeling like you listened to them a lot, but they didn’t listen to you.

Mila says that listening is a very important skill, but not everyone knows how to do it. When someone talks over you and doesn’t let you speak, it can make you feel like the relationship is all about them. This can give you “the ick” early on.

6. A Dirty Apartment

When you’re dating, having good hygiene is very important. If someone has a dirty apartment, it can be a big turn-off. Wright, who used to be single, says he has seen some really messy places. He knew he wouldn’t go back to those apartments.

Being clean and keeping your living space tidy is important when dating. If someone has bad hygiene or a dirty home, it can make you not want to be with them, especially if you’re thinking about being together for a long time.

7. When Someone Asks for Money Too Soon

Sometimes, people you don’t know very well might ask you for money or a loan. This can make you feel very uncomfortable. For example, one woman said that some men she barely knew asked her to help them buy things like houses or invest in something for them. They promised to pay her back later. But this is a big warning sign, and it made her not want to date them anymore.

8. When They Bite Their Nails

Some people don’t like it when someone bites their nails. They think, “If this person can’t even take care of their nails, how will they take care of me?” It’s like when someone isn’t clean, and it can make others not want to date them.

9. When They Look at Other People

It can feel really bad if you’re on a date and the person you’re with is looking at other people instead of paying attention to you. One woman said her boyfriend spent their Valentine’s Day dinner talking about the waitress instead of focusing on her. This can make you feel sad and unimportant. A relationship expert says that feeling safe and trusting each other is very important in a good relationship, and looking at others can hurt that trust.

How to Be a Kinder Dater

It’s important to know that no relationship is perfect because we are all human and sometimes make mistakes. But, there’s a way to be kinder and get closer to finding someone who really cares about you: practice being a kind and caring person when you date.

Experts have some tips to help you be more thoughtful when looking for love:

Know What You Want

Before you start dating, think about what you want in a partner. It’s important to know what matters to you so you can find someone who feels the same way.

If you’ve been dating for a while, you might know how bad it feels to go on a few great dates, only to find out that the other person isn’t looking for something serious.

It’s okay to ask big questions early on, like “Do you want kids someday?” or “What do you think about marriage?” This helps make sure you both want the same things and can stop future heartbreak.

On the flip side, when you do find someone who shares your values and desires, it can lead to a deep, genuine connection that feels like true love. Recognizing signs of true love early on can help you determine if a relationship is worth pursuing, or if it’s just another dating ick.

Be Yourself

When you are getting to know someone, it’s important to be yourself. Don’t try to change who you are just to make the other person like you. If you always try to be what someone else wants, you will end up feeling unhappy and losing what makes you special.

It’s better to show who you really are and what you want. If being yourself makes the other person not like you, that just means they weren’t the right person for you. It’s okay to move on and find someone who likes you for who you are.

Understanding the Intimacy Pyramid can help you create a foundation for a relationship that thrives on mutual respect and unbreakable love, rather than superficial dating icks.

Talk About It

Dating can be hard, and it can bring up worries and old hurts. That’s why it’s important to be kind to yourself and to the other person.

If you start feeling the “ick” (when something about the other person turns you off), don’t just end things right away. Maybe the other person doesn’t know they’re doing something that bothers you. You can talk to them gently about it. They might not realize, and they could be willing to change. Talking about it can help fix the problem and make things better.